Monday, February 22, 2010


Kitchen: still messy, but much cleaner.

Teeth: still hurting, but the appointment has been made.

Pile of letters: still high, but shrinking.

Work: still crazy, but at least interesting.

Hot chocolate: still cooking, but nearly done.

My soul: still shaky, but much better.

Writing that last post and pressing "Publish" gave me permission to do something about the state of my life. (Don't ask why I needed permission, or whose permission I had to ask, I don't know either. It's a metaphor that works for me.)

Having written all that and started talking about it (here, in SL, with G and the Lioness (and Sis, look for an answer very soon now)) two things started to happen. First, I woke out of the depression mindset of hopelessness and impossibility. Secondly, I discovered that feeling an emotional backlash after a positive experience is surprisingly common: nearly everyone I spoke to who had been on a retreat had felt something like this afterwards (to some degree or other). Knowing that helped put the feelings in perspective. I wish I'd known beforehand that this reaction was a possibility, it would have made a difference in the strength of the feeling. I've been talking about this in the meditation group and will try to ensure that there is some kind of "aftercare" at future retreats.

In short: it's getting better. If that's too passive: I am making things better. Thank you all for your support, in comments or phone calls or e-mail that I haven't yet replied to (sorry).

Weather is improving, the forecast is for warm rain all week (how sad that this feels like an improvement). The last frost of the winter should fall tonight, so any remaining scraps of snow should be gone by the weekend. Perhaps I can finally wear the new shoes I bought during the last thaw, two weeks ago.

Work is, as I said, still crazy. The Weasel lived up to his pseudonym by quitting with ten days' notice. We've hired an external site supervisor (a guy we've worked with before, from the village where G grew up though they never met as kids) and are interviewing people to join the in-house team, but in the meantime I'm doing his work as well as mine. Even so, I'm glad to see the back of the sneaky unreliable son-of-a-bitch.

Ah, the dawn chorus just started (at 6:46). This is the first time I've heard it this year. Perhaps Spring really is here.

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Blogger Lioness said...

Oh I'm glad! Leat, leat. ;)

February 22, 2010 at 2:04:00 p.m. GMT+1  
Blogger Zhoen said...

It makes sense, actually. After massage, one tends to feel worse for a day or so. It wakes up all the senses, all the pain. That a retreat would do the same seems inevitable, if you think about it.

February 23, 2010 at 2:45:00 a.m. GMT+1  
Blogger Savtadotty said...

Good news, Udge. Spring is definitely on its way, and meanwhile, there is sunshine somewhere (for example, you-know-where)!

February 23, 2010 at 1:37:00 p.m. GMT+1  
Blogger Beth said...

Glad you're feeling better. February in northern climes - ugh. And dental problems on top of it - I am totally sympathetic. Glad if writing here helped you get some of it out of your system, and I hope things continue to improve!

February 23, 2010 at 10:27:00 p.m. GMT+1  
Anonymous Andy said...

Juts in case you're interested and since I have had the same type of problem with my teeth, you might be interested in this article -

Teeth Grinding

March 1, 2010 at 11:58:00 a.m. GMT+1  
Blogger Udge said...

There is a special circle of Hell reserved for comment spammers, especially those pushing Japanese soft-porn sites.

March 3, 2010 at 9:49:00 p.m. GMT+1  
Blogger Shari said...

This is truly good news.

March 13, 2010 at 5:49:00 p.m. GMT+1  
Blogger Agatha Macbeth said...

Good to hear it. Keep smiling :)

March 28, 2010 at 12:44:00 a.m. GMT+1  

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