Friday, January 12, 2007

Disparue

I had thought to write
a mutual on-line friend
to ask about her.

After two months of (mostly)
silence, letters unanswered—

I was uneasy,
wondering what had happened
or what I had said.

"I'm not asking for details,"
I'd say, "just tell me that she

is well and happy;
that this silence only means
that she is busy."

But I haven't written, and
I will not write, to our friend.

There is some justice
in her silence, a karmic
return for all the

letters that I never wrote
to people who were my friends,

not from anger or
because of resentments real
or imagined, but

just because I could not see
that time and the moment pass.

I hope and believe
that it is the same for her;
she bears no ill-will

and will write when the time comes;
as I have written, years late.

Virginia Woolf
said "I have lost friends, some by
death, others by sheer

inability to cross
the street." I am no better.

We see always our
good intentions, and thus do
we find ourselves good:

we will write that letter—soon.
But somehow five years go by

and the letter still
has not been written, and now
it never will be.

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13 Comments:

Anonymous arevik said...

a very moving post...

January 12, 2007 at 10:58:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Antonia said...

very true, udge, I know all about it

January 13, 2007 at 2:58:00 AM GMT+1  
Blogger rb said...

oh!!! this hits close to home

i like your haiku-ing, udge

January 13, 2007 at 3:01:00 AM GMT+1  
Anonymous sis said...

you bare your soul to
us and write with honesty
that leaves us humbled

January 13, 2007 at 12:13:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Anxious said...

Very true

It is so tragically easy to lose touch with people.

January 13, 2007 at 1:08:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Udge said...

I had wondered who
would be first to comment in
haiku. How fitting

that it should be my sister
overcoming her shyness!

January 13, 2007 at 3:42:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger brooksba said...

Awesome format! This is so true. One of the things I've adopted with friends moving or those that you'd talk to that often - I tell them, "No matter how long it has been, don't be afraid to call or write. I know that everyone gets behind." And you know what, a few times it has allowed someone to write years later.

January 13, 2007 at 9:28:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Lioness said...

Oh this resonated, to my eternal shame. And you are brilliant, as always, Udge dahling.

January 15, 2007 at 1:37:00 AM GMT+1  
Blogger zhoen said...

I have lost friends because I got too tired of trying and trying. After a while, I assumed they simply did not want me to call, for reasons that reflected some character flaw of mine, and simply wished me to finally get the hint and go away.

Certainly, this has happened.

Now, I wonder if it was occasionally this, and I was simply not important enough to them to inspire them to contact me.

Write. The silence hurts far more than anything. Don't apologize for the long time, lest you think it some kind of excuse. Just write, and write again. The silence, the neglect, conjures far worse demons for the lost friend. Your embarrassment is nothing to them feeling like they have committed some unforgivable sin that has angered you so much that you cannot even face them to say you are no longer friends.

All of you. Write. Loose your tongues and pens, and let your friends know they are worth a moment's attention and your own embarrassment. Such sins of ommission cause too much anguish. For the love of friends, people. Write.

January 15, 2007 at 9:11:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Udge said...

(sobbing quietly in the corner)

January 15, 2007 at 11:49:00 PM GMT+1  
Anonymous May said...

"Never" (last verse) is perhaps an exaggeration...

January 21, 2007 at 9:08:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Udge said...

May: it's called "poetic license" :-)

One hopes for an answer, and for the inspiration to one day write all the letters that one owes others.

January 21, 2007 at 10:33:00 PM GMT+1  
Anonymous May said...

I am happy that you replied to me: I think it is the first time.

Anyway, apart from my side comment (which aim was to indicate that there is always a second chance), I loved this post and, like your friends, I find myself often in the same situation. In my case, I know why it happens: because I don't care enough. If I am attracted by a person, I won't miss the right moments to keep in touch with him/her.

Time to get ready for work! Have a good Monday!

January 22, 2007 at 7:02:00 AM GMT+1  

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