Unhappy
And I'm hovering like a flyI am unhappy with my job(s) and they are unhappy with me. It's all moving on too slowly, much too slowly, and I waste time both here and at the architects'. Everyone who knows me is unhappy, I owe e-mail and snailmail to everybody I've ever met, some since months (hello, Sis). Even my blog is unhappy, being posted to only once a week.
Waiting for the windshield on the freeway.
Genesis, "Fly on a windshield" from The Lamb lies down on Broadway
Working here allows me to pretend that it's not my fault. Look, I say to my partners, I have a job that I go to every afternoon, and therefore I cannot finish our business.
Working here is a crutch, or a set of blinkers. Look, I say to myself, I have a job and so don't need to find a better one. It's like remaining together with somebody who doesn't love you, in order not to have to face the dating game.
Were I to be honest, I would say that I too am abusing the situation: I know that they cannot fire me and sometimes act accordingly. I am setting this up so that they will have to fire me out of sheer anger - at which point I can play "poor pitiful me" and enjoy the comfortable role of Victim.
Well, that's bullshit. If you're not enjoying the work, then quit; but if you're not going to quit then do an honest day's work for an honest day's pay and stop fucking about.
posted by Udge @ 10:01
6 Comments:
Yeah. I've been there. It really sucks because you almost feel as though you are trapped but you don't want to leave because it is what you know.
I hope that you do find the best position for you and that you find yourself a career instead of a job.
Work makes up too much of your life to allow it be a toxifying experience (if you can help it; sadly, we can't always control our financial circumstances). What have you got to lose if you leave?
And if that is too much to lose, then you will have some kind of answer. I'm a cheerleader for drastic changes this year, so I will hurrah your fiery exit if you decide to make one.
Hang in there, Udge.
Employment is at-will and it should be rewarding and fulfiliing. I am sorry that you are not feeling happy about your job at this time. You deserve a position that makes you happy, that makes you feel valued, and that you find challenging in a good way. I hope you are able to find that soon. You deserve it.
Sympathy and empathy on this one ...
Late to the party -- I've hardly been reading blogs at all for weeks -- so I've just gotten this far.
Christ, I know this one. Not quite bad enough to make me quit, not quite good enough to keep me going. I was in precisely the same state for much of last year. No clever advice, I'm afraid. But lots of sympathy.
I hope things are better. Actually Udge, you sound like you have a rather interesting life to me. Sometimes the job just needs to be put in its place in life which is much lower on the rung.
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