Sunday, September 28, 2008

.

Swamped by a tide of hard feelings: wasted my life, squandered so many opportunities, don't even do things I enjoy doing, idle sod.

Realizing that this self-loathing arise from two principle causes (leaving aside the issue of whether any of those feelings might have a basis in fact): far too much time spent in front of the computer, and too little contact with live humans. The last person I spoke to face-to-face was the cashier at the supermarket, thirty-one hours ago.

[Updated two hours later] I considered taking this down, but have decided to let it stand. In the time since writing this I've had a good long conversation with Corvi and done the dishes and washed down the stove and countertops, and am now feeling much less frantic. I'm going to bed in a better frame of mind than I have done in a long time. Life goes on.

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10 Comments:

Blogger Zhoen said...

Then change.

In the eternal now.

September 28, 2008 at 10:51:00 PM GMT+2  
Blogger Udge said...

Indeed.

September 28, 2008 at 11:56:00 PM GMT+2  
Blogger Dale said...

Hugs. Hey, we're live people too! :-)

But yeah. I know what you mean.

September 29, 2008 at 3:37:00 AM GMT+2  
Blogger Savtadotty said...

Go for a walk!

September 29, 2008 at 4:43:00 AM GMT+2  
Blogger Anna said...

i've had the same day. it's not fun.

September 29, 2008 at 5:29:00 AM GMT+2  
OpenID diddums said...

I've had times like that. They happen all too easily in a society in which we are expected to demonstrate personal independence. And yet it's such an intermeshed society; nobody's truly independent. Doesn't really make sense.

September 29, 2008 at 4:47:00 PM GMT+2  
Blogger JoeinVegas said...

I have the same feelings. I try to blame the computer also, but realize it's just the way I am. Oh well, yes, change, not easy.

September 29, 2008 at 6:09:00 PM GMT+2  
Blogger Pacian said...

Join a club.

At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

September 30, 2008 at 10:54:00 PM GMT+2  
Blogger Udge said...

Thank you, my dears. Your comments are a comfort.

October 2, 2008 at 7:24:00 AM GMT+2  
Blogger Gaya said...

Do a lot of 'self-loathing' also... something to do with 'I shouldn't be this way' and looking down on oneself based on any judgements derived from that for me.

October 12, 2008 at 2:48:00 PM GMT+2  

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